I find a very interesting pattern when researching current (and not so current but still applicable) relationship information. Most of the material I find in the library and online is created by men telling women how to win and how to please men. Even the material produced by women focuses on pleasing men.
No wonder female cancers are so prevalent. Women who fail to give birth to their own desires and fulfill their own needs frequently fall victim to uterine and ovarian cancers.
Women who fail to nurture themselves and feed their spirits – while caring for everybody else’s needs – frequently wind up with breast cancer. And the new cancer appearing in alarmingly increasing numbers, lung cancer, reflects a life not enjoyed, not lived full out.
The dis-ease lived by so many women reveals the female partner as someone who lives from an emotional center. Society appropriately describes that population as heart-centered. Yes, some men too live heart-centered lives but they fall into the minority.
Given that women are the emotional partners in a relationship, and very often men have no clue just how bad the relationship status stands, it seems to make sense that what sells is geared toward women pleasing their men.
Many women share one common problem with me–the fact that their men pretty much take them for granted and are definitely not about pleasing their women except enough to keep them happy and the sex frequent. Of course the average man defines “keeping her happy” as giving into whatever she wants to do—so long as the decision does not leave a major impact on any critical area of life.
For me, my readers and clients are 50-50 men and women with men actually investing in their relationships more often than do women. When you look at relationship marketing and products that notion seems to run contrary to the norm.
Okay, my life has always been about running contrary to the norm. I imagine my thinking and acting outside the box draws both men and women to find and choose to work with me.
With me, you will never find “it’s all about pleasing the man.” No, instead you will find out about creating partnerships where BOTH men and women feel valued, appreciated and truly loved the way they’ve always wanted to be loved. I guess a better word might be “cherished.”
The glaring fact, missed by so many relationship counselors (leading to the disappointing statistic that two out of three attempts at marriage therapy packages fail) is that men and women are different. I am not referring to physically obvious differences. I am talking about how each gender thinks, feels, speaks and looks at life.
Men and women approache daily living differently.
One of the key skills I teach involves communication. The greatest gift you can offer is that of being a great listener. Learning that skill is pre-requisite to a successful relationship.
People often describe me as a quiet person. The fact is, I am a great listener. I pay attention to what people say and what they really mean. I observe couples, individuals and clients in conversation.
What do I notice? Both men and women speak a common language – on the surface. In reality they speak two entirely different tongues. Therein lies the communication gap that leads to many relationship issues.
Teaching women what men want without teaching men what women want and need is like putting a band-aid on a surgical wound. Not only will it not protect the wound but it will fall off and constantly need replacing.
Creating true partnership takes learning new skills beyond how you talk. You need to know what to say, when to listen and how to contribute to each other, supporting your partner to live his or her highest good and becoming the best person possible.