Relationships: The Magic Wand That Changes Everything

[Note: Yesterday I told you about pain in relationships but I failed to offer any solutions. Today’s post fills in the missing parts.]

Looking for the magic wand that makes your relationships amazing?

Ready to stop all the hurt–even from your early childhood?

Well, I found one, a magic wand, that is. It came to me during a meditation so I used it right then. Guess what.

It worked.

And it continues to work every time with every person with whom I share it.

Do you want to know how the wand works? Excellent. Grab a pen and paper (you likely will need at least two sheets of paper) and continue reading.

Write down the name of every person who ever hurt you (okay, you perceived as them doing something to you or failing to do something you wanted and you felt hurt) and the specific behaviors that hurt you.

Done? Take your time. You want to get every incident that you’ve stored inside causing you grief every day—whether or not you know that fact in your awareness. Next look for the gift of who you got to become as a result. Write down the gift you are now allowing yourself to acknowledge.

Now thank each person for behaving exactly as he or she did. Hey he or she gave you a gift, right?


The pain turns out to be the motivating force that led to your soul growth.

A true soul mate is someone who helps your soul evolve–sometimes, often, through pain.  The media romanticized the term soul mate as a partner with whom life is perfect, glorious and always feels wonderful! The mission of a soul mate is to promote and foster soul growth in ways that make it happen.

Do you make changes when your life is all rosy and comfortable? Of course not. Why would you change what feels great?

What am I talking about? Check out this example:

The woman who lives in an abusive relationship finally leaves (not an easy step to take). She decided that being mistreated was not acceptable to her. She chose to step into her strength and change her passive life.

She recognized how powerful she is, that no one can take away her power without her permission. And even then, no one can really take anything from anyone except through perception.

That formerly abused woman may eventually become a role model and teacher for other abused women. She probably helps others see how much they too deserve to be treated well.

After a client attack left me disabled with a brain injury I told the therapist in the rehab center that I found the gifts in my life’s upheaval. He shared that the only clients he ever saw heal were those who found the gift in the  tragedy.

Oh yeah, the wand. Did you catch the magic power of the pen-in-hand? Suddenly what used to be your painful past has a whole new look and feel, yes?

About Ali Bierman

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