Working as a psychotherapist, specialized kinesiologist and mentor I discovered many ways that people remain stuck in unhappy life situations because of the activity taking place in the six inches between their ears. Most people spend their days living in the past and they do so completely out of their awareness.
Do you want to eliminate your painful past and live in happiness? This simple method will get you there.
I used to spend a good deal of my time and energy remembering how some people hurt me and made my life less than great. Or so that is what I thought. I know just how you feel.
I unknowingly failed to live in the Truth. I lived in my interpretation of events that happened. Then one day I decided to look at what happened through new eyes – from a different perspective. And you can too.
Allow me to guide you to a new way of being and a different way of seeing – with your eyes and with your heart.
Take just one event – maybe the most painful one you recall. Hmm. If you choose your most painful event I bet you don’t need to look for it. I bet it pops right up in your face – or in your gut where you feel it. Right?
Write down that one event. Write down what you think happened to you. Really, take a pen and paper and do this now. You know you won’t come back to it later no matter how many times you promise yourself you will.
Okay, got it?
Now write down how you felt—and probably still feel every time you think about this event. List all the emotions you remember feeling when it happened and also how you feel now thinking about it all over again.
Here comes the new way of thinking part—look at the event without attaching meaning to it. Describe the factual event that happened?
Need some help? Here is an example.
I once made an appointment to go out to lunch with a friend. The time and date came. No call from my friend. I could not even reach her.
I felt hurt, angry and disappointed. What I told myself was I was not important enough to her for her to remember our luncheon appointment.
What actually happened is she did not make our appointment. Period. The rest is what I made up about why she did not meet me. The rest is the meaning I gave her action of not showing up – that left me feeling hurt.
Now that you understand what happened vs. your personal interpretation of what happened write down what actually happened—just the facts.
Congratulations. You just moved out of your emotions into accurate thinking! I bet your pain decreased or maybe even disappeared completely.
Go one step further.
If you still feel hurt write a new and different interpretation of what happened. This time make sure your interpretation leaves you feeling okay about the event.
In the case with my friend I could tell myself some emergency came up and she was focused on what to do so she forgot to call me. Or I could think she has memory issues. Her missing our appointment had noting to do with me and everything to do with her.
Stop interpreting events as personal attacks or put-downs. In other words, instead of creating interpretations that leave you feeling hurt, create explanations that leave you feeling neutral.