How Arguing Can Heal Your Marriage

When you love yourself first you lose the need to argue or fight.

How does that happen? When you feel good about yourself you also feel good about your world. In fact, you love yourself and you love others.

Loving yourself first allows you to see the good in everything and everyone. When you see the Divine Being in each person then you realize the connection, the All-Is-One on this planet. To feel anger toward another ultimately directs that feeling back at you. Why would you want to create that misery in your life?

I learned a good way to stop—or prevent—arguments.

Did you ever notice it takes at least two people to argue? If someone tries to lure you into a fight simply refuse to participate. When you do not fight back the other person will at first feel very frustrated and maybe even angrier than before. And then they have to stop the fight because no one is fighting back.

The very valuable lesson in this method is to note all the things the angry person yells at you. Take mental notes of everything for which he blames you. What he reveals with his outburst is exactly what is really going on inside him.

Most men do not like to talk about what or how they feel.

They will not tell you what is going on inside their heads—mostly because they don’t have an awareness of what feeling underlies their outbursts. You can determine what is going by listening—not taking your turn to fight—just listen.

You see, people see the parts of themselves in others that they do not want to recognize as part of themselves.

When they pick apart another person they reveal how they feel about those behaviors in themselves. They do not like those behaviors so when they see them exhibited in others, they pounce on them!

You will not be able to explain that information to them. Do not even try. They will not hear you. They can’t. They need to hide from themselves for whatever reason—that you may never know. They may never know either.

All you can do is be who you are and love yourself and all others.

When someone gets in your face, remember their anger is really a call for help—only they do not know it.

And they are not ready to accept help either. To them, that would mean taking responsibility for their lives and how everything goes for them.

The only road to a happy marriage includes self-responsibility.

About Ali Bierman

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